生き甲斐

So.... My next philosophy essay is due in three days, and I haven't started on it. A couple of minutes ago, I just received feedback for my last essay (I got an 80% mark - which I think was pretty generous, given his remarks), which is making me a little nervous. Apparently my philosophy professor is not one to be smoked nor fluffed through, as can be seen from his feedback. I have work shifts all through the weekend, and also on Monday when my paper is due, so all I can say is, lord be with me, or alternatively, I will subsist on Red Bull or Monster Energy. Melyssa took a photo of me listening to my lecture on the couch in the work pantry after my work shift had ended, and she shared it on the work group chat. It looks like I'm asleep in the photo, but I promise you, I was retaining the information, somewhere in my brain. 

Sarah,
Your paper introduces a number of interesting ideas concerning this topic, but misses the main arguments for the Taoist notion of statecraft, which can be found in Chapters 17, 37 and 57-61. At the minimum you should have discussed the passage in Chapter 60, ruling a country is like cooking a small fish, and Chapter 17 on the qualities of a good ruler. A further point of consideration is the connection between Confucianism and the modern notion of humanism. Does this connection allow us a more accessible understanding of Confucianism and the place of the Jun Tzu in the modern world? If so, does the Jun Tzu meet deeper human needs, or are they better met in Taoism? Your paper makes a good argument for social cohesion, but is the social cost personal authenticity? Finally, given the growing environmental problems we are facing, does a Taoist perspective offer a clearer perspective into altering the course of this crisis?

I wish he had sent me the feedback earlier than today, so I would have had more time to panic and realise the kind of standards he expects of the upcoming essay submissions. Alas, I cannot change what is done and past. As the start of my high school's song goes, "ever onward" it is. I feature many of my assignments on Instagram, whether it's for my indigenous gender mod, or politics, or philosophy. I'm paying hella money for my degree only to receive instructions over the interwebs, so I might as well share all the resources I have access to. If you'd like readings on my courses, let me know and I'll share them with you. 

The world will have you believe in scarcity, but there really isn't scarcity in the ways we've been conditioned to believe. There isn't scarcity in love, nor friendships, nor information and knowledge, and especially not in money. If we all stopped working today, right now, at this very moment, the richest fucks in the world ie. Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, Warren Buffett, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, etc, would still have enough money to help out the poorest people of the world, let alone working-class people like you and I. All they'd have to do is realise nobody needs a goddamn hotel in space. Everyday I read something new that rich people are doing and I think, we are truly in the endgame of life. 

A couple of hours ago, I ended my first ever chess game with a person that was not Jaysen. I played it on chess.com with a guy from Bristol, whose name is, surprise surprise, Ben (there are too many Bens in the world, but my name is Sarah, so I'm not one to talk). I lost quite terribly, no surprises there, and he asked if he could give me advice. I'm glad he asked, because if he'd just sent me the advice without a preface, I would have been sore and probably said he was mansplaining. So I said yes, and this is what he said:

Ok so the main thing I’d say is that every move needs to have purpose. Sometimes I think you maybe moved a piece because it would go there(?), but it needs to be either an attacking or a defensive move. I liked what you did with your pawns - a strong defensive line is good and that’s what took me a while to get there. I’ve got a great entry level video for you which I’ll find a link to now

Every move needs to have purpose. I think it's solid advice, and if I were the type to apply chess advice to life, I would say to myself, "every move needs to have purpose" but am I the type? Who knows. I'm reading Grit, because my friend Monica recommended it to me. She said she thinks I have grit, and I'm the type who drinks up people's impressions of me like it's horchata (except when obviously it comes from a place of self-dissatisfaction and malice, then idgaf lol). In Grit, the writer says your highest-level goal must be deep-rooted, even if the mid-level goals shift on the way there. That means, if my main passion is feminism and finding justice for marginalised people or whatever, the things I do to get there may be switched out and interchanged, but the grittiest of people don't change their top-level goal. So we'll see. The book also says you can practise and train yourself to be gritty, and I think that's what's important in it.

Two nights ago, I went to Tif's place for dinner. She'd recently just moved in with a friend from school, so it was my first time seeing her room and all. We listened to Taylor Swift on the speaker, because her roommate likes Taylor Swift, and so does Tif's boyfriend. They're not the biggest fans, but both of them went to Taylor's 1989 concert in Singapore. I was meeting both Tif's boyfriend Lester and her roommate Justin for the first time, and both guys had never really hung out before that day. So when we were all seated, Justin asked Lester whether he liked watches, and Lester said, not really... Justin asked Lester whether he liked cars, and Lester said, not really.... The third question he asked Lester was, "do you like seaweed?" and immediately I thought, this Justin guy is a character. Who goes from cars and watches to seaweed??? Justin then proceeds to tell us there's a company making alternatives to plastic from seaweed (I fact-checked, it's true).  

Justin has many nice tattoos running down his arms and legs, so I thought, okay, this guy's pretty cool. He then saw the sunflower tattoo on my back and guessed the tattoo artist correctly (affectionately calling her Maxitos instead of Maxine), and also when I'd gotten it. I still didn't realise it at the time, but when I went home and looked up his Instagram, I found out he used to be a tattoo artist. Obviously. Tif cooked us vegan bolognese made with meat substitutes, and then French toast. It was delicious and I was really enjoying the night, chilling and half-watching an old Jackie Chan movie on the TV. Lester and I were trying to follow the plot of the movie (there really wasn't one), while Justin goofed around and Tif had to make kombucha for her business. While I had been talking to Justin, he said his first love had loved Taylor Swift, and so he listened to Taylor Swift's songs and memorised the lyrics (this is the exact story of literally all men who listen to Taylor Swift, I'm pretty sure), and he sang them in front of me, while the songs were playing on speaker. I was very entertained.

I have been thinking of all the conversations I've had after sex. I love having conversations after sex, which men tend to hate, because they usually just wanna sleep. I have learned so much from those post-coital moments, before you drift off to sleep. I wonder when my next one will be. The last one was months ago. Jeez.